“I’m never going to be the same again. Bury me, I’m not your friend.”

I don’t know what to think at all. I know what I want, how I feel, but what you’re thinking is a completely different story. I’m sick from feeling this way. I don’t want to wait until Friday to figure this all out. I don’t want to deal with not having you, if that’s what you choose. I want you to be happy, though. So I’m going to have to deal with it. You know that I love you and I want to have a life together, but if you aren’t ready to accept that and embrace what we could have together, then I need to accept that. I love you and I’ll always love you no matter what. Going through this for the second time is completely tearing me apart. I don’t know how well I’ll be able to pull out of this. :/ I definitely won’t be able to do it on my own. 

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Especially when I’m crying. 

to just fucking leaving. 

feel like no one cares about me. My self esteem is always shit. I don’t see why people can’t just put in the effort for a little bit? Am I really that terrible?

I love you to fucking death but this is fucking eating at me. I don’t know what I did today that made you get angry with me. I tried my fucking hardest to cheer you up last night by joking around with you, being cute and making you a little picture, writing little posts to you and telling you I love you…but you said I did absolutely nothing to even TRY to cheer you up. How do you not see what I did? I’m starting to hate myself because of you. I seriously put all my effort into putting you into a better mood and you wouldn’t even talk me. I’ve even asked you multiple times to tell me what to do to make you feel better and you never know. You always tell me my expectations are up too high but look at yourself. Look at what this is causing us. I tried to talk to you two nights ago about how to fix things, and you didn’t even seem like you wanted to talk. Whenever this is supposed to help us. I don’t know why I let it get to me so much if it keeps happening…I just think I care too much. I’m tired of hurting because of this. And I don’t know what to do. I want to stay together. I really, really do. I don’t see why this has to be so hard. I guess I’ll just continue to be put down like this day after day and I’ll eventually be okay with it. I just hate hurting so much and I wish you would stop saying these things. All you’re going to do is get upset from me posting this but I have to say it somehow. I’m not trying to talk shit about you I’m just trying to get out how I feel without being put down for that too. I’m sick of having feelings. I think I’d be better off to go back how I used to be and close myself off. 

Nothing feels worse than this. I hate it sosososo much. We’ve been arguing a lot lately and I’m beginning to seriously feel like you’re losing feelings for me. Whether that be big or small. I feel like I’m constantly annoying you because you’ve been on edge with me so much. You haven’t really been in a playful mood much. You don’t really laugh with me or smile and have a good time like we used to. I don’t know this just really fucking sucks and I hate thinking about it. I tried calling and joking around and that didn’t go very well. You just get so annoyed or frustrated with me now and I don’t even know what to do ):. I feel like I fucked everything up and I wish I could just fix it. I’ve grown so attached to you and I hate that because I read into every little thing because I can’t stand that you’re upset with me or even thinking about you being upset with me. I hope this turns around soon. I can’t even think about what would happen if we drifted apart, or rather if you drifted from me. But that’s the way it seems to be heading and all I want to do is get you to come back. This whole thing is some big, dumb, run-on paragraph about how paranoid I am to lose you and I hope it won’t upset you when you read it..if you read it. I just needed to get this out and I don’t want to stress you out with it. Fuck, this sucks so much.

:/

that this is making my lose feelings for you. I don’t really know what to say about all of it but you don’t take any of my feelings seriously anyway. I really can’t stand this and hopefully I can find a way to hide being upset so this stops happening.

do I let shit like this bother me……UGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH